Today we talk about an era that now seems to be but a
fleeting memory of its former glorious self. We are told that ‘natural’ is the
way to go, and that interfering with nature's course will lead to the doom and
destruction of all of mankind. Keeping this fact in mind, we must first
elude to a short history lesson.
There once was a time in the history of our magnificent planet
when man walked barefoot and grunted his disapproval of something instead of
sending a “strongly worded” email. This was a simple time without the
complications of modern society, a time when human beings functioned as nature
had intended them to. Men, being physically stronger than women, went out to hunt
and gather food, and women being capable of emotions far beyond the
understanding of men stayed home and took care of the offspring.
These were glorious times. All was right, all was well, and nature was functioning perfectly. However, somewhere along the way, things got a little... twisted. You see, food no longer came from hunting deer and bulls. Food now came from the supermarket, with the exchange of money. It is thus clear that the creation of money was the beginning of the downfall of humanity. We were doomed to a world which was no longer comprehensible and where we men would be left wondering, “What are we here for?”
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These were glorious times. All was right, all was well, and nature was functioning perfectly. However, somewhere along the way, things got a little... twisted. You see, food no longer came from hunting deer and bulls. Food now came from the supermarket, with the exchange of money. It is thus clear that the creation of money was the beginning of the downfall of humanity. We were doomed to a world which was no longer comprehensible and where we men would be left wondering, “What are we here for?”
Let me explain. Human beings are of two kinds... well, usually
they are of two kinds, sometimes there is a third kind that really doesn’t do
anyone much good. For the purpose of this discussion we will stick to the two
main kinds, “Men” and “Women”. As the elaborate history lesson stated, men were
built for action and women for love. This according to me is a very beautiful
rendition by nature. However, when action was no longer required, we men were
stuck in a bind. The purpose we were built for was no longer a requirement and
thus we set about earning our living doing work which is, in most cases,
unisex.
As we all know, women by simple natural ability have the
capability of handling several jobs at the same time. Multi-tasking they call
it. We men are able to focus on one thing and one thing alone at one time. When
we eat, we eat. When we sleep, we sleep. And when you tell us about the latest
collection of shoes from Prada, we space out and think about monster trucks and
beer. This is the working of a man’s brain, and any man who claims to be
capable of more is a lying twit who should be shot in the testes and be laughed at. So now, women are able to do all the jobs men are able to do, as
well as, take care of a family, and take care of the house, and frankly take
care of the men. Which is why men are sitting there wondering “what are we here
for?” Of course there is the basic purpose of procreation but I am sure, that
some woman in a lab coat somewhere in the world is working very hard to
eliminate the need for that, while knitting her kids' sweaters, and bringing the
Dodo bird back to life.
Until the start of the 21st century men were at
least able to claim that they brought home a bulk of the household income and
thus were able to maintain some semblance of their masculinity. The statistic
today is that close to 40% of wives out-earn their husbands and thus, 40% of
men have had what little role they had left to play taken away from them. This
number is fast growing too.
So today we are in a situation where evolution is really
kicking men in the jewels. We no longer are as strong as we used to be
because we don’t need to wrestle with wildebeest. We are no longer as hairy as we used to be
because we do not need to keep warm when out searching for food. We no longer
are the source of security for our families as every second woman today has
taken a self defense class. And no longer can we claim to bring home the
primary income of our household.
Clearly it will not be too long before all men will but put
in a freezer and harvested for our sperm as we will cease to serve any other
purpose. Even our ability to love a woman is insufficient because as we are
often told, “a man can never understand a woman”. There are thus only two
options we have if this hostile takeover of our world is to be avoided.
Option one, we gather the smartest men in the world and
somehow give our selves the ability to give birth and PMS. This would give
those smug women a taste of their own medicine as they no longer would be the
only ones able to bring someone to life.
Option two, all the women in the world realize that what is
happening in the world today will eventually render men useless and stop
attempting to hijack everything that we were meant to be doing by nature.
There is also a third option, but that would involve ridding
the world of women and clearly the men would no longer be able to find our
socks in the morning and will, in turn, die.
Thus, after having expressed my views, I shall now go into
hiding as all the men of the world and all female activists will surely wish to
burn me at the stake. However, I highly doubt I'll survive as I am not of the
female disposition, and have trouble finding my socks in the morning.
